My own private Emocide

Now - should I ever turn into what the males are like I live with, someone please punch me hard. You know how you keep hearing about these eastern regimes where there supposedly nobody is allowed to have their own opinion? well - imagein this on a small scale. I hope my mind isn’t that fucked up on the inside. There is no discussion whatsoever. I am goddamn 25 - i should not put up with this crap any more. I suppose it is my own fault. Wht don’t I just screw all this and leave the morons in their self-righteous world of cardboard justice? Well - I guess I don’t have the balls. I know i have the fire. I know that something has to happen. There is no way you can lock up anyone like this in the long run. Not without getting some screws loosened anyway.

Oh man. I wonder what it feels to smash a car sometimes - preferrably not mine. It’s not like i am contemplating to get myself finished off - for that i have too much i need to take care of. For that i have too much compassion and anger… and love for that matter. Still. My bike just sometomes doesn’t cut it anymore in terms of getting the excess junk out of my system. Maybe it just is a chemical issue. Maybe i should start taking my supplements more regularly again. Hell, what do i know - nothing. I feel. It’s just that as soon as i hear this voice - or d’n'b, i want to break shit up. i want to take a bottle and smash it on concrete.
No, this is not ‘violent’ - this is normal. Violence hurts. I don’t hurt. In fact this helps me to not want to hurt people. Vandalism? Maybe… but considering the mental pressure and violence we have to deal with: does it measure up at all?
“Vandalism is an act motivated by hostility to the arts and literature of a culture, or wilful destruction or defacement of its built environment, construed to be in the spirit of the Germanic Vandals in their attacks on buildings of the Roman Empire.” oooooh… how artsy. Almost impressive.

There we go again… the flipside of the choleric - whenever he needs someone to wipe his ass. Let’s write this off to Karma - otherwise i might just get my head twisted.