just came back to the campus from the casting for “tatort” (this is the longest running and probably most successful criminal series on german tv). anyways - there were 3 people from the agency extras group out of vienna. one guy, around 50, nice dude - took pictures and some talking… one lady, about the same age… she seemed to be the head of the whole thing. and then another chick, who was about our age and looked pretty much like she was into hardcore. i was one of the forst 5 there, as i had to come back to class just a bit after the whole thing started. all in all i had to fill out a 2-page sheet of my personal data, with all kinds of appearance stuff, like piercincs, tattoos, hair, body measures,… then a quick snap shot from the guy, after that a short chat with the hc-chick - and that was it. she was pretty nice and gave me the ok that they would use me for sure. coolio - although i had to cancel the one day they wanted me for, cos it would’ve benn next friday… no can do. so i might be working for them on tuesday as a “technician”, but i won’t know before monday evening. i all in all was a bit surprised, as they expect about 500 people to the casting today.
born keeps interrupting with his lecture…
other than thatl im going crazy over the data and knowledge engineering homework… i’ve spent pretty much 2 days with a bunch of different people - mostly ulrike - working on it… and it just won’t run… we have about half the homework now - i hope that tomorrow i can figure out most of the rest… i don’t want to spend another weekend with all this crap again…
sad sad… such nice weather and all i get to do is spend my days on campus with my laptop… or at home. lets hope i pass the classes at leastm which would put me quite a big step towards graduation.
so yeah… turns out thomas mayrhofer has known andi melchert for 6 years… interesting what all happens in such a time. drifting.
so yeah - now another conservative fuckhead is heading the most powerful religion in the western world. “shame to this weekness modern world”… at least i hope that shit is outta the media now…
nightwash - and domian of course… and yeah - harald schmidt is getting back to the elite too.
all on after midnight… what does that tell us?
spell it with me: I-D-I-O-T-S!
[edit]just read that poland whats to have oct. 16th as a national holiday to remember the pope, “to show respect to the most important authority of the 20th century”. you religious people are just going waaaaaaay over board with all this. you know, there is a life beyond church right?[/edit]
…but people are TOO STUPID for that. alright: 10:30 - super tired - lying in bed, watching tv, getting ready to start studying again. doorbell rings. i turn off the light and open the blinds so i can see. SOMEone down there “g’evening, kueng, could you tell me where the kreuzpointstr. is?”. well - first of all i went to get pants- back to the eindow: “i’ll be right down there!”. as my knowledge of the wels map isn’t all the greatest and i went to my laptop to look it up on maporama.
10 seconds later, from the outside: “asshole! who do you think you are? he can’t even come down! fuck you!” so i yelled back “shut up and fuck off” - more muttering from outside. so i verified where the street was, got my flashlight and my phone and ran down. grabbed my bike and went to look for this ass wipe. so 200 feet from the house i see this 50some yr old drunk fuck talk to a woman who is walking her dog. “feeling better?” i asked him. he looked at me pretty agitated, getting ready to jump on the street. i guess when he noticed he was a good head shorter than i was he switched to verbal arguments. “well you wouldnt come down to help me - all i need is to find my homeless shelter!” he obviously was pretty wasted. “yeah right - so why would i come down NOW if i didn’t want to help?” “so why did you take so long?” “well excuse me, i am not the one ringing people’s door bells at 10:30pm” - back and forth - so yeah - he then started the whole “i’m such a poor guy from linz and can’t find my shelter and you don’t know how it is!” so i told him that i served my community service at the “z” in linz - a social service for ex-cons - and i don’t fucking mind helping anyone as long as they can ask nicely. so he looked surprised that i knew about this place and now switched even more to the poor guy’s role “well, i am an ex con too. and i can’t find the shelter anymore.” both i and the lady tried to explain it to him for the 5th time now… IT’S NOT THAT HARD! take a right 50ft ahead, then the first left and the first right and youre there. he: “GOD, i lived in vienna for years, but nothing was SO complicated there.” dude. stop the fuck drinking if you cant keep your head straight the least. the last thing was that i told him that it was not MY idea to put the street over there - so he came over, said goodbye and took off… where the hell is your dignity dude?
anyways… yesterday: mtb tour reinberg. felt good. also i tried doing my web engineering homework… couldn’t finish all of it due to very confusing and unprecise instructions.. then today i took out my bike again… made it almost 3 hours as i had forgot my frigging keys. anyways - went out to oberthan and then downtown. which actually was a lot of fun… i like city mtb’ing.
gotta get up early tomorrow to go to manu… uhummm…els to do the communications engineering homework… booooooring…
…if Austria had global importance i would start building a bunker… But how the situation is now, it only is a reason to crack up and get a good laugh out of internal politics. bzoe? fpoe? coalition? god - you are such jokes. and such hypocrites. democracy? my ass - money and power makes the state go round. that’s how it is. that’s how it was - especially for the last 5 years.
the sad thing is that the people are too stupid for democracy. i’m not saying that its only austrians. there is a much bigger example out there… and more than one. but this is really getting embarrassing…
now do me a favor, keep the news a real life stand up act for a few more weeks and then die. just die. thanks much
regards - sid
Back to sanity… What happened lately: Well - first off the annual spring-trip to Europe. 40 credits and struggling to pull jobs. Well - not all that much fun really. College is a pretty ambivalent thing to me these days: On the one hand I am trying to boost my own motivation - push myself to get this pulled through in an instant. Make it as short as possible. I wish i was on my own - but unfortunately there are so many others one has to deal with. Others as in “I don’t get this is the same species I am supposed to be”. You have everything you can ask for: the stiff business jack ass who is still trying to fill out his hideous armani suit - or her business costume. Then you have the wannabe frat boys who just annoy the crap out of me: If ignorance and bad taste in humor made small, they could parachute under the carpet. Then of course there are the “you have to stick to the rules 100%” robots. Mostly Employees. Argh. And then I am in there - in the middle of thousands of weirdos, trying to scrape up the hand full of semi-cool people that are worthwile to spend the time with.
My mountain bike really has helped me quite a bit to get a grip lately. I can power myself out and feel some life that way. However - i felt like someone made me swallow a whole cutlery recently, when i went for a ride in my tight racing suit, ignoring the fact that we had no more than 40 degrees. Alright - thank dog it was Sunday and the newspaper stands were out - have you ever stuffed your chest with a conservative sunday paper? Finally I found it’s purpose… and best of all it was “free”. Anarchy. Other than that i ran into the WWII nazi bunkers in the woods here - but even with the flashlight one can’t see much more than 15 feet. It is creepy - however I want to explore more. The new racing machine is great btw.
How nice would it be if photography could do the same for me. The one competition i was part of i somewhat screwed up. Well no - I sucked. I am not elitist, but seeing what others come up with depresses me sometimes. Being with the cam makes me feel like I am 70. Swollen limbs, blurred vision and a crack in the nut. I so enjoy taking pictures, but the pictures don’t like me. Let’s see where we’re at in a year. maybe me and my toy have grown closer by then. And fuckin a - what is it with me not making any more music? Grrrr… need - to - get- ass - in - gear.
And finally - 2 week news flash: the pope is dead - bohoo - the duke of monte carlo is dead - bohoo - terry schiavo is dead - finally - austrias gov’t is making a bigger joke of itself as anyone thought possible - thank you joerg!
Now - should I ever turn into what the males are like I live with, someone please punch me hard. You know how you keep hearing about these eastern regimes where there supposedly nobody is allowed to have their own opinion? well - imagein this on a small scale. I hope my mind isn’t that fucked up on the inside. There is no discussion whatsoever. I am goddamn 25 - i should not put up with this crap any more. I suppose it is my own fault. Wht don’t I just screw all this and leave the morons in their self-righteous world of cardboard justice? Well - I guess I don’t have the balls. I know i have the fire. I know that something has to happen. There is no way you can lock up anyone like this in the long run. Not without getting some screws loosened anyway.
Oh man. I wonder what it feels to smash a car sometimes - preferrably not mine. It’s not like i am contemplating to get myself finished off - for that i have too much i need to take care of. For that i have too much compassion and anger… and love for that matter. Still. My bike just sometomes doesn’t cut it anymore in terms of getting the excess junk out of my system. Maybe it just is a chemical issue. Maybe i should start taking my supplements more regularly again. Hell, what do i know - nothing. I feel. It’s just that as soon as i hear this voice - or d’n'b, i want to break shit up. i want to take a bottle and smash it on concrete.
No, this is not ‘violent’ - this is normal. Violence hurts. I don’t hurt. In fact this helps me to not want to hurt people. Vandalism? Maybe… but considering the mental pressure and violence we have to deal with: does it measure up at all?
“Vandalism is an act motivated by hostility to the arts and literature of a culture, or wilful destruction or defacement of its built environment, construed to be in the spirit of the Germanic Vandals in their attacks on buildings of the Roman Empire.” oooooh… how artsy. Almost impressive.
There we go again… the flipside of the choleric - whenever he needs someone to wipe his ass. Let’s write this off to Karma - otherwise i might just get my head twisted.
- i need to get out of here.
- i need more black.
- i need satisfaction.
- i need steeper downhill trails.
- i need to break some shit: at university. this nazi institution is a mad house. in my environment. goodie goodie middle class makes me want to spill my guts.
- i need to start watching oliver kalkofe again. this was the first time i cried laughing in a long time.
- i need my head cleared.
- i need less pain. make that more.
- i need more good ol’ raw hardcore in me.
seriously. i need to clear my head.