My own private Emocide

[mood: angry]
[tunes: the pixies - where is my mind]

im not really sure what exactly this is… it feels like a big lump in my chest - creeping up my throat and making it hard to swallow. there is a lot weird stuff going on right now and im not sure if i am controlling all this still… much more - im sure im not controlling this anymore. maybe i should just reading horoscopes, rely on them and pretend everything will get sorted out anyway. but i know it wont. im got trapped in some quicksand which has reached my thigh by now and makes it impossible to move further up and out of the trap. the problem is i dont know WHY i got stuck there. i didnt really do anything wrong . just did what i thought was right - just did what my emotions said was right - screw emotions. they cause so much trouble - and new emotions. or maybe im mixing up emotions and hormons… hmmmm… crap crap crap.
i just have to get my stuff together, stand up and untie this knot. i have to straighten this twisted path - thats the only way to make it work. reframe the concept. this is what my life is gonne be like now. reframe the concept. i will be me. no questions asked.
first i will get my body art done - finally - then pass my classes. damn yes i will - make some money- make a lot of money - besides college buy my freedom and save up enough to leave all this behind. its time to finally do what i want. no more dependencies. no more shakedown.
look at me in a year - youll see where i am - youll se what i am - youll know i was right and you are screwed.