[mood: dead]
[tunes: killswitch engage]
damn… datamod exam today. i think the are totally insane. this was so difficult that i guess at least 70% failed… fuck. i also didnt get much sleep last night either. insomniac till 6 something. i talked to poserkid for a while. he seems really nice.. so not just mo-like bollo jerks are on the pxf board. if we lived in the same town we sure would be friends.
oh well… datamod, algorithms and history this weekend… yippieyayoh! bleh…
next week i got a job for life radio at a mall opening again - hopefully thisll get me some cash - im pretty broke considering i have to pay for the 2 plane tickets…
man… i gotta get some sleep…
[mood: pissed off]
[tunes: a year of our lord]
i should feel bad for this journal? yeah right… pah…
[mood: sleepy]
[tunes: some stuff by the guano apes on rockpalast]
my body is complaining right now. a lot - and letting me feel i dont take good enuff care of it. yeah - its right - lately i started working out again and always tried to eat healthier for the past few weeks (man potato chips are just too tempting tho) - which also worked out…. but my little bit of sleep per day i was used to just isnt enuff for me anymore. it sucks - working out and sleeping more makes my days a lot shorter… grrrrr… this morning i was about to puke in the tramway. shitty air, shitty insomniac night, stupid people.
oh well… math is done - passed it… yay - martin failed - shitty is that… on thursday datamod - crap. and on monday i gotta hand in my history papers… god - i didnt even start with those yet. got meggies big gift today and wrapped all of them… in the cute paper i got… shell like it - hopefully…
anyways… meggies got pc problems - yesterday we got to talk for a bit at least - i hope shell ba able to fix it soon. calling is just getting too expensive. no work right ow. and there HAS to be some communication at least. we didnt get to talk that much lately… she says less talking means less fighting. i hate to admit it - but shes right about that…
cant wait till the 15th though…
oh yeah - news about crazy towl… hahaha - what a moron message board is that… 55 replies - all from stupid nu metal wankers… whatever - most of them are just ignorant morons.
so… in 5 hrs its time to get up again… my body it telling me to quit and go to bed - so i will…
nighty night
[mood: annoyed]
[tunes: the ataris - san dimas high school football rules]
i know its not even worth the hassle - i know its childish - but i had to get rid of this - hearing the news about crazy town covering new noise made me sick - i mean - for real…
Continue reading ‘letter to the crazy town fuckers’
[mood: thoughtful]
this was an awful boring weekend again. spent it in front of the pc. martin was over today and we wanted to study. didnt study much though - just dadamodulation - at least… we listened through old choopa choops and citric acid recordings. also looked at pictures from back then. i told him a lot about the time back then. he seems to think i lead this real punk lifestyle. i mean - its weird that we get along so well anyway - he used to be the geek i never talked too in high school - but he actually is a really sweet person and we get along just great. thats also the reason why our studying also gets lost in some other activities like watching movies or talking.
we also looked at hannahs pics she took at the graveyard here. i wonder what she is doing now. she used to be a great friend. i wish i had been more careful back then. i also wonder how georg is. i saw him on this picture hannah took of him this one time at lake attersee… i miss him in my life - for at least 6 years we were best friends - and noww i get to see him what - 2-3 times a year - it hurts.
Continue reading ‘weekend review and more’
[mood: angry]
[tunes: the pixies - where is my mind]
im not really sure what exactly this is… it feels like a big lump in my chest - creeping up my throat and making it hard to swallow. there is a lot weird stuff going on right now and im not sure if i am controlling all this still… much more - im sure im not controlling this anymore. maybe i should just reading horoscopes, rely on them and pretend everything will get sorted out anyway. but i know it wont. im got trapped in some quicksand which has reached my thigh by now and makes it impossible to move further up and out of the trap. the problem is i dont know WHY i got stuck there. i didnt really do anything wrong . just did what i thought was right - just did what my emotions said was right - screw emotions. they cause so much trouble - and new emotions. or maybe im mixing up emotions and hormons… hmmmm… crap crap crap.
i just have to get my stuff together, stand up and untie this knot. i have to straighten this twisted path - thats the only way to make it work. reframe the concept. this is what my life is gonne be like now. reframe the concept. i will be me. no questions asked.
first i will get my body art done - finally - then pass my classes. damn yes i will - make some money- make a lot of money - besides college buy my freedom and save up enough to leave all this behind. its time to finally do what i want. no more dependencies. no more shakedown.
look at me in a year - youll see where i am - youll se what i am - youll know i was right and you are screwed.
[mood: sad]
[tunes: eniac - ill never get home]
like a cloud of perfume you disappear - not entirely - the scent stays in the room - for hours. yet not as intense - not as alive. the memory remains - fueled by whats left. of the beautiful smell that YOU left - when you walked out the door…
im in now… let the games begin