whatta night… the most beautiful night ever… reaching new spheres of love. this day is a worthy end of this millennium. thank you for making me the happiest (and most satisfied) silly boy on this whole - much too wide - world…
ps: god praise graham bell!
Monthly Archive for December, 1999
mmmmh… i kinda lack sleep - but i’m glad - talked to gan for more than 5 hours tonite. shes such a naughty girl! and i love her for that. it´s been snowing a lot during the last few days - it’s so romantic - i long for my baby - i long for everything of her. for her smile her laughter, for her smell and her cute face, for her hot body - for her love. i wanna take her out for a walk in the snow. that would be so nice can´t wait for february - perfect match!
work was quite annoying… me: tired; the “guests”: going on my nerves… 3 days off now - yess… and just 11 more left to work - 10 days without my boss and a week without the secretary - yesssss!
by the way: ich liebe dich - dont forget that - happy millennium sweetheart!
sometimes i really think woody can fuck off. he´s so paranoid! always thinks i want to overtake control of his projects. grrrr - i have my own plans - my own views - but if he asks me to help him or join one of his projects such as a band or association i try to do my job as good as i can - and if i do so he always becomes scared of losing the leadership. hmmm… i don´t really care about it anyway - and maybe it even is a kinda compliment - but it´s really annoying to always be blamed for such crappy reasons. XparanoiaX
anyway i wont spend new years eve with him and the crew.. i´m gonna go to innsbruck with kerstin on friday. its surely gonna be great fun with her and the grubers. iris wont be there - shes in california with lynn.
things with gan seem to be perfect - although this naughty girl sometimes shocks me with telling me i should come later… well… i simply don´t think i can wait any longer.
was out for a tea after work with a girl that was at my workplace for 2 days now coz she makes a project for school. the relationship with her boyfriend really made me think… i don´t think i ever could have such an open relationship - maybe i´m old fashioned - maybe i´m too conservative - for sure i would be too jealous. i kinda admire people who can deal with this so uncomplicated.
hmmm… sometimes it seems complexity and relationship are simply connected - at least concerning MY lovelife. at one moment everything seems so easy and clear - and 1 minute later i´m scared again and ask myself if it ever can be perfect. grrrr@longdistancerelationships - i decided to turn off these emotions - it´s no use at the moment anyway - who knows what the united stated will bring… and the most important thing is what we feel for each other - isn´t it? so - let´s find out how large bridges love can build! - i wish i was with my baby for new years eve…
yodala… gotta go to work again today… grrrr… i wish it´d already be over…
x-mas was strange. missing my baby. saturday and sunday i played with noah. we rock. made 5 1/2 songs in these 2 days. we play like being a band for ages. whats also cool is that i have a band again i can write lyrics for - mostly german. new years eve i´ll probably spend in innsbruck with the grubers. i´ll probably go there with kerstin on the 31st. hope it´s gonna be fun. more fun than x-mas… but alone again…
i should go to bed… it´s already 1:30am. - 42 days - the countdown´s running
1 more day till x-mas. whatta fuckin day… will be dominated by love and hate… i hate this guy called father - gan got a live-proof of his way of treting me tonite. had a long conversation with my sister nele today… she’s got the same problems with him. how long should it go on like this? it´s gettin worse. i can’t stand getting away from here. and nele really envies me - that i can go away. fuck him - don´t ever wanna talk to him anymore - he’s just trying to crawl again - fuck you! may your bad conscience dirve you crazy!
what else happened… not really much… have been staying home from work since tuesday… didn´t fell well - and not like working at all. recieved a letter and a mail from corinna… tststs… what’s she assuming? what am i supposed to do? …strange strange strange…
and finally i´m really sure who i want to spend my life with… i’m serious… and i want it to be official. to tell it to anybody. that we belong together - tigermom and tigerkitten - forever and ever!
@079
i used to be in this scene… i was a kid and had a dream. i dreamt of changing the world through unity. it was this unity that gave me the feeling of security. we were one crew - a big family. but what happened then? i refused to go on drinkin - and so you refused ME!
i often thought about the lack of political consciousness in the hardcorescene and remembered those great summerdays years ago. asked myself if it´d´ve been better and more honest to stay in the punk-scene - but finally i wasn´t even given a choice.
for me punk used to be: honesty - unity - critisicm - TOLERANCE
what was shown to me today… what is punk these days…? is it pogodancing including kicking lil girls? is it beating someone up “just for fun”? is it keeping others away from helping the victim coz “noone likes the other guy anyway” and ” well… that´s no use… that´s him…”? is it to still be an intolerant asshole and not accepting my lifestyle? is it to shout “oi” as often as possible to show that you ARE in the scene and know the “secret codes”? is it being too drunk to be able to even sit?
…what really remained of this scene: your honesty is alcohol n shit - your unity is intoxication - your scene is a big lie. this time i refuse YOU! there´s no tolerance left - and your political consciousness consists of being pissed and not changing your clothes for weeks, colored hair and maybe - but just sometimes - wearing a “nazipunx fuck off”- shirt.
my dream burst like a bubble…
i wonder if you ever were friends… this night i realized… even if there IS really few politixxx in hc - it´s still 1000 times more and more honest than in THIS punk scene.
and hey - “ovilaba root boys”: if tim armstrong saw you shouting his songs (resch: how can cou still play drums just soooo badly after more than 4 years?!?) and behaving like this? - fOI!ck you!
i hope that it´s just here that those punks are so poor figures - but i fear it´s different…
choose to think instead of just being confident with your own narrow-minded world!
i did so and got banned - what remained?
this evening was sad & shocking…
me the idiot
- why do i have to mess up everything?
- why do i destroy the beauty of the moment?
- why do i fuckin hurt the one i love?
dunno why but hate myself for that
i’m just on the train home from linz - it’s 9:30pm and i’m already quite tired. had a x-mas celebration with the peops from work today. we were @ a japanese restaurant - that kinda restaurant were the cook prepares the food at the table - right in front of you… disgusting… it’s not that kind ofdinner i dream of - while i was eating my vegan food loads of animal-bodies were fried just a few inches away… and those meat-eater jerks couldn´t get enuff of making fun of “this vegan and his strange food” - hmmm… is it just their guilty conscience or are they really so dumb?!?
before that i met with mariah and her friend ursi - we had so much fun! and she made me embarrassed once again - told me that her friends didn´t believe her, that i called her and she´s gonna meet me. hmmm… i really wonder why… at least why it´s like that NOW. there were times i would´ve needed this support for my selfesteem really more than now. got everything i want.
mariah is really happy with her max now - finally… and that´s really cool - the same as hannah is with her alex… and the same as i hopefully will be.
hmmm… next week corinna’s supposed to come back from geneva and i’ll have to visit her - still got tons of my stuff at her place. that´s gonna be more than weird.
well well… just looking forward to comin home now and being lazy… and dreaming of that certain princess…
@729 … what should i say - i´m just high of happiness!
i´m so excited… talked to gan for hours last night. i can hardly believe that we´ll finally be together in not much more than 2 months. i bet it´ll be great! i think we´re gonna be the only ones whore gonna have 2 x-mas´ and new years this time. i´m also really looking formward to my b-day. i´m so glad i´ll be able to spend it with the one i love.
the only problem is, that i seem to forget some important things sometimes. will we make it this time? all i can do is hope. hope is weakness… hmmm… maybe that isn´t really correct… hope is risk and courage would be better i guess…
and by the way: FUCK YOU DAD!