My own private Emocide

i´m so confused and scared. i know there´s no need to be and i even mustn´t. i should be the happiest man on this whole wide world - but something´s wrong. i hope it´s just imagination. the last time of having so little contact there wasn´t good news then. hopefully it´s different this time. well… isn´t it my own fault? i broke a heart when i could be sure for 100% that it´s mine. how could i assume NOW to receive unconditional confidence and love again? i simply cannot do so. and… can I trust that love? grrr… it tears me.
long for security. max. 56 days - then i should´ve gotten it!
please tell me my fear is imagination and there´s no need to be scared.
but probably i´m just paranoid once again…