My own private Emocide

today i fell in love… there was an 8-week-old german shepherd dog-baby at work today. is was so sweet. only my baby is by far sweeter! once i´ll have a dog too i think. always wanted to have one - just mom didn´t allow… grrr…
yesterday i recieved a letter from xaida. hmmm… not that what i expected at all. but it´s so interesting: it´s about the reunion of west and east germany 10 years ago. bout socialism and capitalism. she´s from the eastern part of berlin - and i understand it so much better now - these problems that´re connected with all these happenings… the problems of the citizens - of the small people - not as superficial as always shown on tv…
GRRRR… just watching the news: in germany there are still these fuckin horse-haters active. last night they cut off the tongue of a pregnant mare. assholes!
talked to sweetheart again last night. i don´t think she really knows what she actually means to me. i´m so scared of not being able to get her back. i wish i was with her. i wish i could lie next to her. i wish i could feel her heartbeat next to mine. i wish i wouldn´t have to WISH that anymore…
well, well, well,… why do i always have to wait? always me… grrr… this time i could get everything back. all the shit of the last months and years could be offset. everything i suffered and so much more i don´t even deserve. just this single time. then i´d be so happy.
hmmm… sometimes i wonder if there´s always two people on earth who perfectly fit together - who are made for each other. if it´s like that… lil princess and me must be meant for each other. ich liebe dich!