oh man - i´m sooo tired! the radioshow yesterday was so cool. we even had a phone call live on air - great fun! but i came to bed at 3am and had to get up at 6.30 again - well - i did so… but fell asleep again… and finally woke up at 8 - 1 hour late… grrrr… but who cares… work was ok. i had a great talk with gudrun - another colleague… she seemed to be very strange to me at the beginning, but now we always have great fun - and we also can talk to each other. lauren sent me a picture yesterday. [you can see it @ the cute people club] iris called me today & said goodbye for the next 6 weeks. mom & dad went on a two days trip with marc again - to lower austria - it´s so cool & calm to be alone at home.
ok… tomorrow i´m gonna go to the free “helge & the firefuckers”-concert in linz - it´s gonna be soo cool - anyone goes there… but now i really need to take a nap…
Monthly Archive for July, 1999
had a short talk with gan last night - i don´t feel confortable talking to her… she´s very distant - it´s no fun… mmmh… corinna wrote me an e-mail today - she´s such a cutie… makes me smile!
hannah wants me to visit her in berlin before we´re gonna go to the us cos er mom wants to see me before we leave - marion - my colleague - told me that there´s the possibility to go to berlin by bus from vienna for just ats 800,- - i will get informed soon.
tonite woody´s gonna come over. i´m gonna do “straight through this” - his radio show on fro (free radio upper austria http://www.fro.at)the first time with him. [hey andy! i´m gonna try to play thtf!] felix “mini-sxe” is gonna come with us too - it´s gonna be a new-school edition - next time it´s gonna be rather old-school - i´m already looking forward… i´m gonna be so fuckin tired tomorrow - i´ve gotta work from 7.30am till 8pm - fuck! and then iris wants to see me one more time before she leaves to california. of course THAT i´m looking forward too…
kirni is also gonna visit me - probably one week after hannah… gan probably won´t come at all… well - it´s up to her… she calls me a jerk… do i deserve this?
so - i´m gonna wait for woody now - see ya & take care
i really started to worry about gan - didn´t have any contact this weekend. so i went to work this morning and… the first thing that happened was that i met her at icq. she said we needed to talk seriously. after reading her latest writings i thought so too - but what the fuck shall i do? she called me an “egoistic asshole” - hahaha… yeah! - i told her the the same some weeks ago, and she negated it… she wrote in her diary that she´s already made a decision. sure i´m kinda sad but it also takes pressure from my soul and in a way i´m even glad that it isn´t anymore up to me to determine our future - i really tried to give us a chance.
well - she shall have fun with her 100s of guys who want to get involved with her - if it makes her happy… i´m sorry bout that, but it´s really ok for me. i do understand her although i don´t think it´s very fair. i thought she´s willing to wait… well - shit happens… maybe we missed a great chance - but it´s final. hmmm… she sais she´ll come anyway - but “as a friend” - man… i suggested that a hundred times. and i really tink that´s by far the best idea.
i think i can be proud to be at least an EGOISTIC asshole this time. cos if i wouldn´t have acted that way maybe the whole thing would´ve turned out the same as some months ago… it´s simply bad luck that it was her who gave up this time - shit happens - c´est la vie… i tried to make it better this time… - i failed - was it ME?
and mehgan: “you´re never ever ever ever there [...] your love is just a game” - i feel pity if you really think so - and it WAS ME who wanted to “take the time to get to know” you… (i´m sorry to be that presumptious to think this is about us) - ok then - i´m looking forward to you - become happy with hot kelly! - that´s the end of this story!
damn… my parents just arrived home - they were supposed to come tomorrow - don´t they have enough brain to at least call me before their coming back? now they´re fucking around cos the house isn´t tidied up yet - fuck you! i wanted to do that today - it´s not me who´s the idiot!
iris is coming over tonite - i´m really looking forward - it´s always great fun with her! hannah´ll visit me on aug. 12th - yeah! - she has already booked the hotel… i´ve got to talk to lars when he wants to come… fun & change - that´s what i really need urgently now…! and no news from corinna…
slept till noon tonite… georg was here too… we had fun last night in town. i met woody again and we had a lot of fun too. just oliver was goin on my nerves again with asking for the key of our rehearsal room again and again. man he shall fuck off… my drums are already looking like a wreck - and now he and his goth-chaots… maybe i should put it out of there.
what i did today: i added a slambook on the page - anyone seems to have one so i do too now - and i went to see my grandparents and had a big discussion about veganism, piercings, future & so on… grrr… they´ll never understand me - generation gap…
gan had a new entry on her writings page too… she wants to be the #1 or nothing… i don´t really think it´s very fair - i can´t decide that now & she knows that. what does she want me to do? shall i lie and pretend a decision without being honest? i want a relationship that´s as perfect as possible - and i´m really a bit fed up about her urging me. she really should think of the fact tat such a behaviour could even cause right the opposite of the thing she wanted… she didn´t contact me since i told her that… i really miss corinna… lauren didn´t write back too… hmmm… i´m gonna go and see iris & franz today… i hope i´ll enjoy it…
slept at georgs place tonite. we were out with andi, martin, iris & franz till about 2. wen we got ome i talked to georg & martin till about 5. i think it helped me. georg & me were talking about the whole love thing. he also said i just should wait and see. it´s a totally new situaion. it´s weird. the only thing i can do is being honest and not pretending anything. i´m doing that anyway. but it´s really strange. no matter what i do - i always feel like being unfaithful to somebody. but i simply can´t decide now. this needs time - and i hope i´ll be given the time without being pushed to make a final decision. gan was very strange when i talked to her this noon. it was 5am in mpls. and she had just returned home. something - concerning me too - makes her sad she said… but she wouldn´t tell me what… man - i am no fortuneteller! that doesn´t make a conversation easier. i can´t always take the responsibility george told me - and if it even makes me feel enclosed and curbs me it´s even worse. my life is confusing enough at the moment - i just want my freedom to get the time i need to take a decision. i can´t decide something like that by just knowing someone by internet - georg told me that and it sounds very reasonable to me. at least he´s happy being a single.
also had a great conversation with franz last night - he´s really a nice guy. with him - and of course iris - it´s always great fun… i´m glad i got to know them. i´m also starting to think of studying in innsbruck instead of linz. wen georg finishes his community service in oct. he´ll leave there to and then it´s gonna be an even lonelier time. maybe i should try to get information about the university of innsbruck… tomorrow i´m gonna visit iris & franz at work - at the red cross station. and on monday she´s gonna come over to my place to try tofu - she hasn´t ever tried it before and so we´re gonna cook tofu - hehehe… it´s gonna be fun i think. lauren wrote me e-mails too - she´s a cool girl.
so - here it is - the new section… i stole the idea from mehgan sweetheart who really means very much to me. it shall become a diary - that means it´ll be quite personal. things won´t be declared specially - those people who are concerned will know what´s meant - and the others aren´t supposed to know it & probably won´t be very interested in these texts anyway… so - i hope you´re gonna like my new section - XsidX
Continue reading ‘the beginning…’